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Fri, 15 May 2009
THE SMOKING PEASHOOTER: THE FLEET REPORT
Comrades. Friends. Fellow Humans.
Help!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
As some of you have noticed, I have not posted for a while. My inability to communicate was caused by a severe blow to the head. Whether I fell or was pushed over the railing by camp management remains to be determined in a court of law, but I suspect that justice will prevail and the guilty parties will be forced to pay for their sins — or be water boarded with dishwater detergent. My fellow campers normally frown on the use of torture, but will protect their right to life, liberty and the preservation of the Friday night meatloaf special.
Having been trapped and treated for my injuries at Camp Creepy Time isn’t as bad as being sentenced to the infirmary at Alcatraz, but it still has it’s limits. Camp management has placed me on a Twinkie free diet and allows internet access based on good behavior. Writing this post could be punishable by death or two weeks of hard labor at the arts and crafts center. The medical staff has attempted several Bigfoot Sues Washington State
Sasquatch Steamed at Mutilation of Wooden Statue -|-|- By Einstein P.Fleet
The mutilation of the eight-foot high Bigfoot statue took place right outside of a doctor's office in Federal Way, Washington, it's feet sawed off at the ankles. Much to everyone's surprise the elusive creature has filed a lawsuit against the state. In a letter to Einstein P. Fleet, editor-and-chief of The Smoking Peashooter, Bigfoot's attorney, Wally Wolf, called the removal of his "trademark" feet nothing less than a hate crime and issued a plea for tourists, trackers, and camera toting pests --- A.K.A. the paparazzi --- to stop chasing him through the forest. "What is Bigfoot without his feet?" Wolf demanded. "A big nothing? His feet are his trademark. We have a seven-figure deal pending for a new line of sneakers. This act of vandalism is a clear-cut hate bias crime or the work of another shoe company." The Seattle based attorney has sworn that the cowards who hacked off his client's feet will have their heads served up on a platter...
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